nanowrimo

Starting nanowrimo today.... so excited! =P
but totally freaked out too =P

LETS DO THIS!!!!

Working myself to sickness....

I've been working A LOT lately. Its been hard and its beginning to take a tole on my body. Simply standing for five minutes hurts.and standing for four hours, nearly destroys me. I'm needing to save a LOT of money in a SHORT time so that I can manage to put enough down on a car so I can manage to get financing and blah blah blah.... in short. I need a lot of money, in a short amount of time, which means I need to work myself to being sick. I'm hoping I manage to not be sick from this for a month or two.

Do you know whats worse then being at pain and at work??
The answer is, Being in A LOT of pain and having absolutely NOTHING to do at work to distract yourself. Really, when you can keep busy at work and be in pain its slightly less unbearable then when there's nothing to do. Distractions are amazing.

And now I need to go pass out and sleep. I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow.

An easy day...

Lately I've been tired and it reminds me of high school when I didn't have a choice but to be at school by 7:45am when the second bell rang (which is far too early for school to start). I have cycles of intense drowsiness where i can barely stay awake due to chronic fatigue. I'm going through another one of those cycles, and it's made for a very tired day. Basically I was awake for an hour and became so tired I had to sleep more and when I woke up the process repeated. I did however finally get out of the house and went to the library for a few hours.

I realized today how funny people can be about odd body functions. I do this thing where I cross my ankles and put pressure in on my knees and out on my ankles and it pops something in my lower back. Sometimes it pops loudly and other times it's pretty quiet. It was loud this time. A lady in the library who was looking with her daughter at books turned her head really fast like she thought something just broke, but nothing broke, just a pop. Then later I was going into a store and I sometimes stand funny if I'm waiting in line a long time and turn my feet out really far or stretch them or just turn parts of my legs odd... I do this to reduce the amount of pressure focused in the "usual" part of my knees, ankles and hips, also it keeps me amused when I realize I'm doing it. An older gentlemen, maybe mid 50's to early 60's was standing behind me in line and just STARING at my feet, my ankles were twisted funny and it probably looked painful, though it wasn't (at the time, I'm paying for it now, but these things happen).
This last event got me thinking about all the circus people you find who can bend and twist in crazy ways and people are so amazed (sometimes grossed out) by it, but I can almost guarantee the people who do these "tricks" don't hurt while they do them. We just love to be freaked out by "gross" things, it might be human nature.

Recently someone came back into my life, just a little, and I'm nervous. I'm not doing as well physically as I was doing when he was around before. He means a lot to me, and I'm scared of what might happen if he finds out I'm not as physically solid and fall apart more now.

Night guys. I'm off to listen to some music and calm my soul.

"Sick" and sick.

There's a term that I notice in the EDS community that I never really understood until today (and last night).
The term Sick.
Just because I have this disorder doesn't mean I'm sick, or ill, but its a word used to describe how we feel on really bad days and a way to allow the healthy people around us understand a little bit better that we aren't completely okay.
Along with EDS I may have something called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or POTS. I can't get into the details of exactly what it is because I barely understand it myself. Last night though my body screamed enough. I've been working and pushing my body a lot lately and it finally gave way to some not so fun problems. Intense nausea, dizziness, almost passing out and incredible amounts of exhaustion.
I'm still not recovered and had to call into work sick. Here is the thing about me, my immune system is incredibly good. Which is where the word "sick" comes in. I'm not ill in the way most people become sick, from the flue or strep or a cold. I become sick from over working my body and asking too much from it, and when it tries to revolt I push it harder. I didn't realize this could happen, this intense exhaustion and such, but I've learned my body can get pushed too much and looking back now, I notice the warning signs I should have been listening to.

Everyday is a lesson with this disorder.
Everyday I learn something new about myself.

My puppy, soniya.

I have an adorable puppy whom I love to death. I got her nine months ago. She's a black lab, german shepard and husky mix,and she makes me smile everyday. Currently I'm attempting to train her to be a service dog for myself, due to the fact that in the next few years I may be in pretty tough shape. She's super bright and loving, I only wish I had more energy to spend training her.
Her name, soniya, comes from a story I read about 5 years ago, according to the author it meant "a moment in time" and I loved it. I've waited for a puppy to nme that ever since.
I'm hopeing to find a trainer who will help me by taking her a few days a week and training, then I can work with her to get her practice.
She's absolutely adorable. Who wouldn't want to wake up to this puppy climbing in bed with them?

NaNoWriMo

I'm partaking in,National Novel Writing Month,  NaNoWriMo, in November this year! I'm determined!

http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/844072 << add me as a writing buddy if you are partaking this year! I can't wait to get started!!

"Spoon theory"

"Spoon Theory" is a way of explaining how much energy one has in a day and how much each activity takes for them to do. A wonderful woman with Lupus thought this up, her name is Christine Miserandino. Though she has Lupus and not EDS like me, her explanation is a wonderful way of explaining this.
I encourage you to please watch this video, it truly does explain a lot.




With spoon theory in mind I think of my daily life differently. I can't go to the mall, and go to work all in the same day. For me it's too much pain. I can only do so much before my body fights back. I was realizing that I spend a great deal of my time and energy working, which doesn't bother me at all. As I have said before I love my job. It allows me to spend time with my great group of co-workers and allows me to see so many customers a day.
Some days though I wish I didn't have EDS. It would be nice to be able to go do everything I want all in one day, but I can't anymore. So I find joy in the little things in life. Spending time with my family, talking with my friends, going to a movie instead of walking around the mall. I still use most of my energy and time that my body feels okay, for work, but it's what I have to do. I can't afford to not have a job, so I do what I can to enjoy it and make the best of it!

I've been thinking a lot about why I wanted to start blogging in the first place ever, and I just happened to stumble across this wonderful video which made me say "I'm going to try that" Not so much on my blogging, but simply the trying something new for 30 days. So for one of them, I will continue writing blogs every day, for 30 days.
My second 30 day challenge will be to partake in Nanowrimo. I've tried it before in the past but this year, I'm determined to do it.
Check out the video I included below and if you have any interest at all in videos like this, go check out www.ted.com They have amazing videos no matter what your interests are.