Hard copy books

There is something very special about holding a book in your hands. Be it 300 pages or simply 50, having such a treasure of knowledge and words and ideas literally at your fingertips is magical.
Book stores are closing down all over the place and its simply heart breaking. Many small book stores with poorly lit back corners, winding stacks of books, old, new, used, best sellers and worst sellers, simply vanishing.
As the world becomes more digital we lose some of the oldest inventions and enjoyments. Simply curling up with a classic book next to the fire, without the distractions of cell phones and internet, is slowly drifting away. The worn pages of a beloved book aren't visible on a digital copy. Closing a 300 page book and setting it down feels less fulfilling an accomplishment when there aren't physical pages to be seen.
E-readers rely on electricity and power to keep charged, a hard copy can be carried for days without needing to be charged.
Printed copies of books are more expensive, use more resources, make books less accessible. All these are only true if we make them true.

I love my hard copy books, I have over 150 books and will always have a hard time parting with them, Simply holding them brings back many memories. However, I will soon be joining the digital age of E-readers in the next few months. I feel a mixture of shame and grief about this but believe it will be in my best interest. I will never get rid of all my books though, and will some day still  own every book I have read.

nanowrimo

Starting nanowrimo today.... so excited! =P
but totally freaked out too =P

LETS DO THIS!!!!

Working myself to sickness....

I've been working A LOT lately. Its been hard and its beginning to take a tole on my body. Simply standing for five minutes hurts.and standing for four hours, nearly destroys me. I'm needing to save a LOT of money in a SHORT time so that I can manage to put enough down on a car so I can manage to get financing and blah blah blah.... in short. I need a lot of money, in a short amount of time, which means I need to work myself to being sick. I'm hoping I manage to not be sick from this for a month or two.

Do you know whats worse then being at pain and at work??
The answer is, Being in A LOT of pain and having absolutely NOTHING to do at work to distract yourself. Really, when you can keep busy at work and be in pain its slightly less unbearable then when there's nothing to do. Distractions are amazing.

And now I need to go pass out and sleep. I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow.

No voice?

I'm slowly losing my voice. NOT FUN! I have plans for the weekend and I need a voice for most of them! I have three days off, I need my voice to function! I started feeling it at work, my voice was cracking a little and now when I try to talk I cough and it hurts.
Not cool. So now I'm going to bed.

The beginning of the purge... to simplify my life, as far as possessions go anyway...

This first area I'm cleaning up is easy and hard. I grew up being over weight and never feeling like I had the “right” clothes to compete with everyone in my class... seems childish and petty, but there are many more issues that got smashed together and created this issue, so I've become some what of a “hoarder” of clothes. I typically keep myself in line, but occasionally I find myself trying to buy one of every color of something on sale. Thus, I'm starting off with my closet.

I will try on EVERYTHING I own, if it doesn't fit or I've simply kept it for sentimental reasons, it will be thrown (to Good-will). This whole time I'm keeping in mind “If I ever need something like this, I can go to the store and buy it or borrow it from a friend.” otherwise, my brain always thinks “what if I need this someday?” even when I haven't worn it in years.

I hit a hard decision about 15 minutes in, I pulled out my “dress clothes” and when looking at the pants and cute jacket I wore for a wedding once I wanted to keep them, wanted to hold on to them. I went through all of my other shirts I had to see if I had anything that would make them look presentable... determined that was a no, and put them in the basket to donate. It was hard but ultimately felt really good.

Through half my clothes... and part of my “junk drawer” (well, one of the five or six.)

Now to bed. Finally at 4:30am.

Goodnight

I will actively avoid...

I will actively avoid mentioning that I have indeed been away for a bit... a bit longer then I wish... and that is all I have to say on the matter.

Like I do everyday, I've been thinking lately WHAT I want to do with my life.
I know what I want to do IN my life, and I have realized, that is the best place to start.

1) I want to learn french -------> So I have now purchased the Rosetta Stone for french. It's expensive you say? Yes, I've realized this but when investing in knowledge, I find there is rarely a price too high. plus it was on sale, with a five month payment plan. So far, I am learning from it, which is the point, correct?
Once I've mastered french (I bought the complete set, level 1 through 5... which may seem excessive... and probably is... but if I can some day write a whole blog entry in French, it will make me smile, which I'm beginning to think is the point to life...)

2) I want to see the ocean -----> I've gotten in contact with a few people I know throughout the country and decided in the next year, I WILL take a train to the ocean. I WILL stand with my toes in the salty water and smell the salt in the air. I have never seen the ocean before, other then in pictures, and there is almost nothing more my soul seems to yearn for then to feel those waters. I can't explain it, but I feel a NEED for it.

3) READ -----> I own over 100 books. Half of them I probably haven't read, YET. I'm starting my way through them. I'm not saying I will read them ALL completely from cover to cover, I've already found the book "Angles and Demons" can't seem to keep my attention. It's a wonderfully written book by a great author but not what seems to keep my attention these days. I've moved onto "Animal Farm" and am quite enjoying it. What will I read next? I haven't decided. Which sort of brings me to my next thing/topic/goal/activity/characteristic-of-my-life-as-of-late...

4) Live in the moment. Yes I'm making plans but I'm also starting to live in the moment. I'm absorbing, enjoying, and craving events that are happening all around me. I'm living life, in the simplest form.

and
5) Down sizing. I saw a wonderful video on TED.com about creating a simpler life. I have so many THINGS, unnecessary things, sentimental things, and things for the sake of having them "just in case". This next week will be about down sizing the number of "things" I own. I will keep some, though many will go.


And with all of that being said, I don't have much else to say, I will ask you this:
What do you want to do IN life, rather then WITH life??
(answer in the comments, I'm honestly very interested in what people want to do IN life.)

Oh work, you silly thing...

Alright, I'll admit it! I'm slower then everyone else! HAHA Kidding, seriously I'm not slower then everyone else... a process that takes about 3 hours takes me 3 hours and 15 minutes... ooohhhh that 15 minutes is SOOO much.
My manager at work commented that I never reach the "closing goals" (the time we have our whole area cleaned up) he sets for us, I wanted to explain why it takes me a little bit longer than everyone else, but I kept my mouth shut, just didn't feel up to having someone look at me like I'm crazy.
It takes me a tad longer because I have to be careful about how I carry things, wash tables (if I try to hurry my shoulder repeatedly pops in and out, not pleasant and hurts over time), and when I try and hurry around, I have a tendency to injure myself. So, a question for you, would you take the time to explain to your boss that you work a little slower to avoid injuring yourself? or would you just let it be and ignore little comments like these when they happen every time you work?

An easy day...

Lately I've been tired and it reminds me of high school when I didn't have a choice but to be at school by 7:45am when the second bell rang (which is far too early for school to start). I have cycles of intense drowsiness where i can barely stay awake due to chronic fatigue. I'm going through another one of those cycles, and it's made for a very tired day. Basically I was awake for an hour and became so tired I had to sleep more and when I woke up the process repeated. I did however finally get out of the house and went to the library for a few hours.

I realized today how funny people can be about odd body functions. I do this thing where I cross my ankles and put pressure in on my knees and out on my ankles and it pops something in my lower back. Sometimes it pops loudly and other times it's pretty quiet. It was loud this time. A lady in the library who was looking with her daughter at books turned her head really fast like she thought something just broke, but nothing broke, just a pop. Then later I was going into a store and I sometimes stand funny if I'm waiting in line a long time and turn my feet out really far or stretch them or just turn parts of my legs odd... I do this to reduce the amount of pressure focused in the "usual" part of my knees, ankles and hips, also it keeps me amused when I realize I'm doing it. An older gentlemen, maybe mid 50's to early 60's was standing behind me in line and just STARING at my feet, my ankles were twisted funny and it probably looked painful, though it wasn't (at the time, I'm paying for it now, but these things happen).
This last event got me thinking about all the circus people you find who can bend and twist in crazy ways and people are so amazed (sometimes grossed out) by it, but I can almost guarantee the people who do these "tricks" don't hurt while they do them. We just love to be freaked out by "gross" things, it might be human nature.

Recently someone came back into my life, just a little, and I'm nervous. I'm not doing as well physically as I was doing when he was around before. He means a lot to me, and I'm scared of what might happen if he finds out I'm not as physically solid and fall apart more now.

Night guys. I'm off to listen to some music and calm my soul.

busy, busy, busy...

I've been crazy busy with work and babysitting and shopping, sorry I've been gone.
I've been exhausted the last few days and yesterday I made myself go to the cities (about 45 minutes away) to go shopping in Maplewood, Minnesota.
The mall is great, even though parts are currently under construction due to remodeling, though the new architecture should make the mall even better.
The roads were awful though. They are doing a ton of construction right now and there are "road closed" signs on roads that are still being used. It makes it hard to get around if you aren't used to the construction, which I most certainly am not, though it wasn't too terribly bad, just confusing.
Burlington Coat Factory, was a whole other story! Usually you expect some mess in a discount department store, but this was ridiculous. I almost tripped at least 10 times trying to walk down ONE shoe isle. There were boxes and random shoes all over in the isle. (When you have unstable knees and ankles and hips like me, this becomes a bit of a problem and safety hazard, not to mention it would have been completely impossible if someone was in a wheel chair.) Usually I don't like to fill out the surveys online, but I made sure to do this one as soon as I got home. I figured someone might want to know about all this. Even though I went there for a coat, I couldn't find one i actually liked, but I did find a lovely scarf which is super soft!
I will never be returning to that Burlington Coat Factory. It was awful.
I also found a great new sweater on sale at the mall, bought some books at half priced books (my all time favorite book store) and walked into Michael's Craft Store literally one minutes before they closed. not much you can find and buy in 60 seconds.
And I ate at Panda Express, wasn't very impressed, usually they are okay, this time they just sucked.

I'm having an interesting problem with being crazy tired today after so much walking and moving yesterday, and things keep partly dislocating, it doesn't hurt until i try to pick something up or use my hands (my wrists are doing it most).
I don't get mad or upset about these little things happening, sometimes I get frustrated when things simply WILL NOT stay in place, but I never get depressed or down about these kinds of things.

Sorry this isn't very crazy and exciting. I'm so terribly tired still, and a bit upset because my kitty died this morning.

"Sick" and sick.

There's a term that I notice in the EDS community that I never really understood until today (and last night).
The term Sick.
Just because I have this disorder doesn't mean I'm sick, or ill, but its a word used to describe how we feel on really bad days and a way to allow the healthy people around us understand a little bit better that we aren't completely okay.
Along with EDS I may have something called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or POTS. I can't get into the details of exactly what it is because I barely understand it myself. Last night though my body screamed enough. I've been working and pushing my body a lot lately and it finally gave way to some not so fun problems. Intense nausea, dizziness, almost passing out and incredible amounts of exhaustion.
I'm still not recovered and had to call into work sick. Here is the thing about me, my immune system is incredibly good. Which is where the word "sick" comes in. I'm not ill in the way most people become sick, from the flue or strep or a cold. I become sick from over working my body and asking too much from it, and when it tries to revolt I push it harder. I didn't realize this could happen, this intense exhaustion and such, but I've learned my body can get pushed too much and looking back now, I notice the warning signs I should have been listening to.

Everyday is a lesson with this disorder.
Everyday I learn something new about myself.